Brains and a Bang
by Snip13r
Summary: Crazy Dave has decided to put an end to zombie attacks. He's playing a game of Russian Roulette with Dr. Zomboss, and human-zombie conflict has never been this legendary... (One shot)


Crazy Dave laid on a reclining chair topless and intimately exposed to the sunlight, as if having a tan and relaxing. There was only a Sea-Shroom and Tangle Kelp in the pool, which he did not bother disturbing as they were splashing around, having fun. The rest of the plants were back inside the house. No one on the front lawn. No one on the roof. Crazy Dave had let them watch various movies on his home theater system, with the exception of the two aquatic plants with Crazy Dave in the backyard.

Reading a newspaper, he was highly engrossed in the daily articles of "Suburbia Timeline". He did not mind what could happen on the front lawn.

"Menthos-Coke Rocket Breaks Lightspeed Barrier". Crazy Dave chuckled. "Not bad."

Then he had heard something break. He knew it was one of his house windows. He took off and ran to the front lawn. Pieces of glass were on the grass and floor. Surveying the damage closely, a rock just busted his window and left a hole. The rock was hurled from the graveyard, and unlucky for Crazy Dave the zombies managed to hit his paned property.

"Dave! You need to see this!" A Peashooter called out from inside the house.

There was a note stuck to the previously-thrown rock. A few plants have already read the content, and Crazy Dave did not like what he read yet his ego was just high.

"Hellllooo, I'd like to meet Dave for Russian Roulette. Me ready. Me want brainz. Me bang. Sincerlie, Dr. Zomboss" the letter read.

Looks like Crazy Dave's going to take his changes. He and Dr. Zomboss had met yesterday, and it seems like they want to end their conflicts a fast and easy way. Crazy Dave will no longer use sun and plant for his survival. Dr. Zomboss won't be sending zombies, zombies, and more zombies everyday. They decided to settle this down with a game of Russian Roulette.

"Dave, are you sure you're going to do this?" A Marigold hugged Crazy Dave's left leg. He just laughed and shook off Marigold.

"It's fine! I've played Russian Roulette with my co-workers back at B&D Co, and they pretty much ended up...dead. My luck's so high with the game, there's no way that big-brained zombie will get the house!"

* * *

All the plants remained inside the house as Crazy Dave walked out and gone for the game-changer. Dr. Zomboss was visible and behind him were the rest of the zombies on the street.

"Mr. Dave, good to see you just in time. Well, let's get it on with this, can't wait for brains." Dr. Zomboss was in his "wash-and-wear" lab gown, and not a single day anyone sees him in different clothing.

"Table. Gun. Now." Dr. Zomboss had growled and a zombie with a traffic cone on its head rushed towards the two. One more zombie followed and set up a medium-sized folding table.

As the Conehead Zombie set up the table cloth, Dr. Zomboss immediately expressed disgust. "Table cloth disgusting! What you use for table cloth?"

The zombie replied, "Your Mom's bathing suit!"

The zombie had laid out a fairly-long revolver pistol and three bullets. The cylinder was out and the amount of bullets loaded can be by request of Crazy Dave. Crazy Dave responded and he only wanted one bullet for use, and then Dr. Zomboss would go first.

"I assure you- this end fast. Want those brains." Dr. Zomboss loaded one bullet in one of the six available slots of the cylinder. To ensure that there is no foul play, he raised the gun pointing downwards to avoid seeing the exact position of the loaded slot. Then one, two, three, four spins on the cylinder, and the cylinder was locked back in. And then the next step- pull the hammer then the trigger. One of them can have beginner's luck. One of them can have extreme luck. Either way, once the trigger is pulled one of them will move on unscathed.

Dr. Zomboss spun the cylinder four times, confident that he would win the game. But no- when he pulled the trigger only a clicking sound was heard. No gunfire.

"The bullet hates me! It refuses to come out!" Crazy Dave cheered.

"Well, why don't I pull the trigger a second time?" Dr. Zomboss replied.

"Aw, hell no!"

It was Crazy Dave's turn. The gun was handed over and then the cylinder was spun five times. He pulled the hammer and aimed it at Zomboss's bulging head.

Click. No bullet was out. Dr. Zomboss and Crazy Dave started trash-talking after a few turns.

* * *

"Your mom's so dumb, she uses the Tree of Wisdom thinking that it would give her answers in driving exams!"

"Yeah? Well, your mom's so dumb, she fried Lilly Pads for breakfast claiming that they were healthy pancakes!"

The rivalry between human and zombie is getting intense. Eight tries have passed and no one has been killed yet.

"Okay, my turn, but this time I'm going to do something different." Dr. Zomboss implied. He clapped his hands softly and a zombie approached the table and brought in a tray. The tray's cover was removed, revealing a bag of Doritos and two bottles of Mountain Dew.

"No weed?" Crazy Dave asked.

"No weed. Just Mountain Dew and Doritos."

Dr. Zomboss opened the bag of Doritos and one of the two bottles of Mountain Dew. After eating and drinking a considerable amount of his snacks, he put the revolver pistol to work.

He jumped in the air and spun 360 degrees. He fired the pistol mid-air. Nothing shot out.

"boo u suk m8"

"0/10 Zomboss sux at dis"

"get yourself straight, u no gud in Russian roulette"

The zombie crowd behind Zomboss shouted and booed. Guess Dr. Zomboss wasn't so pro and MLG after all.

"Okay, my turn." Crazy Dave tried not to laugh at the situation. He spun the cylinder five times and pulled the hammer. Then the gun was pointed at Dr. Zomboss's head. Everyone instantly went silent when a gunshot ringed out.

Dr. Zomboss dropped down on the grass, with a bullet hole on his head. He died. He lost. Bam. You happy now?

Crazy Dave set the gun aside and the zombies were shocked at what they saw. As usual, if the homeowners would win, they would stop invading the house. The zombies walked back to the graveyard, now deprived of a mad scientist/engineer/space man/bartender/goalkeeper/janitor/ah, just screw it.

* * *

"Yay, we won! Now I can get to date Sunflower!" a Peashooter exclaimed.

"Yeah, he won the game!" a Cactus shouted out.

The plants were chanting out "Crazy Dave" in the house. It was then until Crazy Dave decided to have a pool party. The plants splashed in the pool, with Crazy Dave atop a table with a mic, singing "Wabba Wabbo", his just released hip-hop song.

"Wabbo wabbo wabba wabbo wabbi wabbo wa"

"Wabbo wabbo wabba wabbo wabbi wabbo wa"

"Wabbo wabbo wabba wabbo wabbi wabbo wa"

"Wabbo wabbo wabba wabbo wabbi wabbo wa..."

* * *

-End-


End file.
